At last, after many an uncertain and lonely midnight typing frenzy, these words have a home and you are actually reading them. Rob (who is a computer whisperer and who has The Power! and who would be feared were it not for his woolly perm), commanded the site be alive three days ago and it heeded his mighty trumpeting. I have to say I’m absolutely chuffed to bits with it. So, as I have a new reason to be cheerful, and you’re probably not all THAT cheery about the fact that I have a new website, I thought I’d give you some different reasons to be cheerful as well.
Summer is finally threatening to devour Spring and defecate sunnier weather on all of us. This means all the beautiful people that seem to hibernate all Winter will now be sprouting forth in not much clothing and playing Frisbee on all available civic surfaces so that the rest of us can stare at them and marvel at how their toned young bodies don’t wobble or buckle as they leap and bound. They’ll also be wearing those new sunglasses that cost the same as a Politicians second mortgage expenses – these will be broken or lost by Autumn as though the credit crunch had never happened tra la la. The days will stretch on forever. So will the sunburn. Awesome. Unless you have hay-fever. In which case get ready for three months of Nature going to war against your face. Rubbish.
If that isn’t cheery enough, then be cheery that you live in a world where you can refuse to buy a burger on the grounds that it funds and promotes a capitalist ideal that steals the life from our rural farming communities, uses fake Americana to despoil fragile third world community identity, causes life threatening reactions in our own bodies and makes our high street as bland and litter strewn as every other town in the world. Then go out and get drunk and buy three of them.
If that doesn’t do it for you then just think of how amazing you are – from your chromosomes to your pheromones and your toe nails to your secret bald patch. The likelihood of your birth defies mathematics and the likelihood of your lasting long enough to read this, let alone understand it, defies science. From all our majestic accomplishments to every time you have ever seen and ever will see a poor unfortunate person in a highly crowded environment trip up over something, but not fully fall over, transforming the near fall into a bit of a run instead – like they did it all on purpose. Unless the poor unfortunate person happens to be you, this is the funniest thing you will ever see in your life.
Yup. That’s the cheeriness right there.
